I used to have a need to show off my weaknesses from time to time. I need to tell everyone how stupid I am, how shy I am... because in everyday life I always look like the contrary. People are used to thinking that I am a serious guy and everything because I do not talk much. So from time to time I need to come back to reality. In a way, I want people to accept me as I am. Only afterwards, I would accept myself.
But today, things have changed. I am getting more and more dishonest -- or rational. I do not need someone else to confirm me who I am. Maybe I am more confident than before, I don't know. It's weird. It happens that I lie absolutely naturally when I talk to people. I have lied to my teachers to turn a situation into my advantage. Some would call it manipulation, I do not disapprove. It is so easy to lie. We just have to know when to stop, gauge the risk of our lies.
Notwithstanding in the end, we always have to drain the poison. We have to confess somewhere, for instance here in this blog; and we can restart doing the bad things again. It has been so long that I have not confess my crimes. No one to talk to, no one to listen to. That is why I have this blog. Some lies are so horrid that they are harsh to confess even anonymously. It would ruin our own person, or may break good relations... People a so intransigent sometimes.
My friends never know about me too much. They just know bribes of me. It's probably the consequence of being a liar; sometimes you have to lie to your beloved friends. It's dreadful. Loneliness is an ineluctable consequence, a so sad consequence.
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